Once, before we were renegade local food activists, we were newspaper reporters (who fell in love and ran away together).

So it brings our newspaperin’ hearts much joy to call people up out of the blue and ask them questions. We now bring you this shallowly-reported piece on Bell & Evans chickens:

Bell & Evans is one of those producers who confuse otherwise-ethical shoppers.  They say “free range,” and they now sell “organic free range” chickens and chicken parts. And when you’re in the store, and you’re looking at those versus completely unidentifiable chicken, of course you think you’ve made the best choice. But it’s like those misleading surveys where the question is something like, “Do you support the war in Iraq” and your options are A). YES B). Yes and C) 110%. You’re not really being given good options. Or options at all.

The life of a Bell & Evans chicken is one of luxury for an industrial chicken. But it’s still very much an industrial chicken and their marketing is still a gross misuse of the term “free range.” They live indoors, in gigantic climate controlled chicken houses (so not even wind and fresh air from windows), where the lights turn on an off at certain times and where water and food is mechanically distributed.

Their “organic” chickens are legally required to have access to the out of doors, but, of course, it’s really not much of a yard. The woman who took our call assured that “It’s not like they have to go out,” as though the idea of a chicken wandering around outside is digusting or undesirable somehow and revealed that they don’t, in fact, go out much at all. That’s a terrifying glimpse into the brainwashing that goes on in this world.

One of the big selling points of these birds is that they are “air chilled.” For those of you who don’t know what this means, it’s the alternative to water chilling slaughtered poultry. Some say it’s more sanitary to air chill them because these water baths chill so many birds. But the Bell & Evans people want you to know that water chilling is less ideal for consumers because the birds take on water weight, which we then pay for at the register. Instead, their birds are hung from hooks and cruise around a factory for TWO MILES in cold air. How bizarre is it that humans build two mile long indoor conveyor systems?

What this person was unable to answer off the top of her head was how many chickens live and die per day, or month, or every year. “It’s a lot.” She knew it was quite a number of them. But she took down our phone number and email address and promised to get back with that information. And never did.

We struggle sometimes with whether or not we should come down so hard on those who are “trying” or doing some stuff right. But the bottom line is that this just isn’t good enough. Psuedo humane factory farming is just factory farming. If you’re going to eat meat, spend the money, take the time and find the real stuff.